Saturday, April 30, 2005

DVD of the Day - Resident Evil 2

I'll be changing my DVD of the Day reviews from an e-mail list to posts here. So here's the last one I sent out to get the ball rolling...

Today's gem was Resident Evil: Apocalypse. I would recommend you never let this DVD poison your player.

Yes, it has Milla. No, it's not worth the pain.

Number of hot chicks in the movie - Three
Number of these hot chicks who can act - One (Milla)
Number of hot chicks they would have needed to fix this movie - There are not enough.

The story - Unintelligible
The plot holes - Too numerous to count
The acting - Piss poor (save Milla)
The cinematography - Made me nauseous
The action choreography - Undecipherable
The special effects - Deplorable

The number of ideas that they could have made into something cool - Quite a few
The number of those ideas that ended up being cool - None
The number of dumb ideas that they tried to make cool, clever or funny - Too many
The number of those dumb ideas that were actually cool, clever or funny - None

The movie as a whole - UNWATCHABLE

I still have no idea what I just saw.